Hear Directly from our Clients
Dr. Greg and Changing the Conversation
Greg works as an ENT surgeon and came to me for help regarding his interactions with colleagues. There had been several occasions over a period of six months where another surgeon had questioned his decisions publicly, in both meetings and hallway conversations. Each time it happened, Greg had felt defensive and shown his anger, arguing with his colleague. He knew he looked disagreeable and worried that people had started to avoid him. He was angry with the other surgeon for causing the problem and anxious about his reputation, which he thought had been unfairly tarnished.
I challenged Greg to focus on what he could do to mitigate future conflicts, rather than relying on a change in behaviour from the other surgeon. Greg needed to practise his response to these situations before he got into the next one so that he would be able to respond differently in the heat of the moment. It was no good waiting until the next confrontation with the other surgeon to try a new response, because his automated response would kick in before he realised. To create an opportunity to respond differently, he had to train.
The key skill he trained was to feel his body and pause. In these few seconds of slowing down, he gave himself the opportunity to get in front of his automated reactions. He learnt to lengthen the gap between the stimulus and the response by simply taking one breath before he said anything. In the gap, he imagined one drum beat, and he noticed his emotion by checking his body. If there was tension, tightness, or heat, he decided he would not speak in front of others. He would ask his surgeon colleague to confer off to the side. He also sought a separate conversation with his colleague on the phone, to try to resolve what the real issue was.
Dr. Lincoln and realizing we can Turn Conflict Into Collaboration
Lincoln is the medical director in a large regional hospital and has just had an argument with Tom, who is the
administrator responsible for workforce. Tom is highly stressed about his budget and the number of locum doctors he needs to employ to keep the emergency department and the on-call roster staffed. In turn, Lincoln is frustrated by the lack of senior doctors working in the ED. He is concerned for the safety of the patients and the junior doctors, saying they will need to close the ED overnight some nights due to the lack of senior doctors available.
Unfortunately, what he doesn't know is that the CEO has already told Tom that shutting the ED is not an option. Tom and Lincoln end up shouting at each other.
The situation seems impossible; they both feel like there is no way out. Lincoln feels fed up, but he takes some time to think about a new way to tackle the communication. He tells himself that regardless of his frustrations, he wants his community to be safe. The reputation of the hospital and the safety of staff and patients are important to him. Lincoln also cares about resolving this issue so that his own stress can go down - at the moment he is thinking about the risks constantly. Even though the very thought of re-opening the conversation is anxiety provoking, given the terse interaction they have just had, Lincoln decides to ask Tom if he will agree to a meeting with him and the CEO. Tom agrees to the meeting. He cares about this too.
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